Choice Theory®

Choice Theory® is based on the simple premise that every individual only has the power to control themselves and has limited power to control others. Applying Choice Theory allows one to take responsibility for one’s own life and at the same time, withdraw from attempting to direct other people’s decisions and lives. Individuals are empowered to take responsibility for their choices and support others in taking ownership of their choices. Negative behaviours reduce in frequency and intensity, relationships strengthen and satisfaction in life increases.

The Choice Theory® demonstrates that individuals are always engaged in behavior throughout their lives, and their existence depends on a balance between five basic needs: survival, belonging, power, pleasure, and freedom.

• Survival: A physiological need that also encompasses physical security, the desire to be safe and stay alive.
• Love & Belonging: A psychological need manifested through the satisfaction of a special relationship, camaraderie, friendship, or even adherence to a movement, clan, or life philosophy. It involves feeling positively connected to others and being part of the team in a broad sense, engaging in various exchanges.
• Power: A psychological need referring to the desire to be someone in life. Individuals want to be heard, recognized, and increase their competence. This includes being and feeling acknowledged, heard, considered, experiencing pride, and being in a relationship.
• Fun: A psychological need similar to a child playing to learn or learning to play, humans seek pleasure because it is in pleasure that they make their greatest discoveries. This involves playing, learning, experiencing pleasure, laughing, having fun, relaxing, and feeling well-being.
• Freedom: A psychological need, or access to choose, it is the possibility to move, change direction, take risks, and give oneself permission to do things differently. This includes feeling in control of one's life, being able to make choices, having the opportunity to express opinions, give one's point of view, and having the right to make mistakes.

Understanding these needs, along with other key components of the Choice Theory® (fundamental needs, the quality world, the perceived world, the comparing place, the behavioural system, and total behaviour), can help us establish and maintain better relationships with significant people in our lives and lead a happier and more satisfying life.

Choice Theory® teaches us why and how we behave to match the picture that we want in order to satisfy our basic needs for survival, love and belonging, power, freedom, and fun. Our thinking, acting, feelings, and physiology occur together; therefore, we refer to this as Total Behaviour.

All behaviours are . . .

• Internally-motivated
• Purposeful
• Flexible
• Creative

Choice Theory® explains that our behaviours are our constant attempt to gain more effective control of our lives; therefore, we behave in the world to get the picture that we want at the time to meet one or more of our basic needs. From birth, we are constantly driven by these needs, and all behaviour is our best attempt at the time to fulfil them. The Quality World, where we store all need-satisfying pictures, by far, is the most important part of our lives. Our pictures, however, are not fixed. We can, and often do, reduce our expectations in a realistic attempt to make it easier to satisfy our needs. An important part of Reality Therapy®, called self-evaluation, helps us to do this. Our programs, through the adaption of questioning techniques, help us better satisfy our needs, which increase the quality of our lives by improving our relationships.

Relationship Habits

Choice Theory and Reality Therapy were developed as a way to help people take control of, and be responsible for, their behaviour. The basic tenet of Choice Theory is to promote self-control so that individuals can increase their ability to make and act on responsible choices. Choice Theory endorses the adoption of seven Connecting Relationship Habits that can be used in all your relationships. When adopted, practicing the concepts from Choice Theory becomes a way of life.

1. Supporting
2. Encouraging
3. Listening
4. Accepting
5. Trusting
6. Respecting
7. Negotiating Differences

The opposite of the Connecting Relationship Habits is the seven Disconnecting Habits which are based on external control. These habits lead to the breakdown of relationships. Being disconnected can lead to many of the problems facing human beings. Individuals use the seven Disconnecting Habits to control people. Utilizing these habits usually leads to misunderstandings and resentment.

Seven Disconnecting Habits:

1. Criticizing
2. Blaming
3. Complaining
4. Nagging
5. Threatening
6. Punishing
7. Bribing, Rewarding to Control

In order to have a healthy relationship, it is very important to stop trying to control one other and to support, encourage, accept, trust, respect, and listen to each other instead. Just as happiness is a choice, a happy relationship is also a choice. You get to choose whether you utilize Connecting or Disconnecting Habits.

The Ten Axioms of Choice Theory®

• The only person whose behaviour you can control is our own.
• All we can give or get from other people is information.
• All long-lasting psychological problems are relationship problems.
• The problem relationship is always part of our present lives.
• What happened in the past that was painful has a great deal to do with what we are today, but revisiting this painful past can contribute little or nothing to what we need to do now: improve an important, present relationship.
• We are driven by five genetic needs: survival, love and belonging, power, freedom, and fun.
• We can satisfy these needs only by satisfying a picture or pictures in our Quality Worlds.
• All we can do from birth to death is behave. All behaviour is Total Behaviour and is made up of four inseparable components: acting, thinking, feeling and physiology.
• All Total Behaviour is designated by verbs, usually infinitives and gerunds, and named by the component that is most recognizable.
• All Total Behaviour is chosen, but we have direct control over only the acting and thinking components.

The Ten Axioms of Choice Theory were taken from Choice Theory: A New Psychology of Personal Freedom by William Glasser, M.D.